i'll move on

hey im back just a few hours ago.
and i cant sleep.
i shall blog when i have something...well...worth blogging about.
yes im still sad but not that anybody cares anyway.
oh, in case if you're wondering, every "i miss you" i say, i fucking mean it.
why would i say it if i dont mean it at all?
life's getting bleak, as everyone's saying, but i'll try to stop brooding too much over it.
when the person doesnt even give a fuck, why should i?
life's like that, when you think too much over it, it makes less and less sense and just make everyone sick of life.
someone's happy when someone's sad.
someone's lucky while the other is just plain unlucky.
who can we account for that?
i'll just get this over and move on.
i quit.

and love fluttered away at
2:01 am January 27, 2009

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hi im still in malaysia.
such a peaceful place compared to fucking back home.
i think i should just stay here forever man.
at least life's better here.
yes, i missed all of you.
and to you and you, i hope you're finally happy now. goodbye.

and love fluttered away at
10:40 am December 27, 2008

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whatever happened to promises and trust?
and best friends turn to chase some lust?
secrets kept and never shared,
all just for joy to last.


throw in the white flag, finally,
and forgone shall be those miseries.
as the sky turns blue, i'll see who's true,
as hate is a word i'll use on you.



will be skipping school and going to malaysia for chinese new year tmr. will be back on monday i guess. or maybe i shall just stay there forever and never come back to this ugly place.if you miss me, i'll miss you too, if you would even miss me at all. goodbye.


i give up, seriously.

and love fluttered away at
10:18 pm January 22, 2009

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went for the funeral after school today. and i was late for the mass and only made it in time for the final commendation. IM VERY VERY SORRY. it was really a terrible atmosphere. everyone was crying and weeping and wearing black. we went to the mandai crematorial and we bade our last goodbyes to her. please rest in peace well for now you endure pain no more. and when the coffin was wheeled into the furnace, everyone was calling her name, asking her to come out and come home or smth. i think it is so that the soul will come out from the body and wont be burnt? im not sure. but it was really a sad parting i must say. i cried alot too. i cried because i missed her so much; i havent seen her for so long and now i cant see her anymore. i cried because i feel sorry for her two young daughters who are barely primary one yet; what will happen to them now that their mother is gone? they are gonna face so much difficulty in their lives in future. i cried because it was so touching; everybody was crying too, cant bear to let her go. may peace be with you lorraine jie jie, you will be dearly missed.


okay i feel very imba now, dont ask me why cos it's a long story. nvm bye.

and love fluttered away at
11:55 pm January 21, 2009

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hi everyone. i have alot to say but it's just too tiring to say it out here. so many things are bothering me i feel like im gonna explode. oh, i finally went to school today. okay never mind i dont feel like talking. took some pictures that day and here's 3.





i happen to like this the best.


and to lorraine jie jie: i miss you so much and please rest in peace. may god bless you and your family. it's such an irony i havent seen you since two years ago at caroline's wedding and now i'll be attending your funeral. well, at least you wont need to suffer in pain anymore. please watch over us and know that you will be dearly missed by all of us. happy new year.


i really worry for chloe and meagan. they are not even primary one yet. what will happen to them now that their mother is gone? i hope everything goes well for their family from now on. please do take care of yourselves!


alright. bye.

and love fluttered away at
9:44 pm January 19, 2009

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you know what? im damn sian-ed. i might be staying in rv for the next two years after all. because i need A levels for tourism academy. and shatec is...well..looked down by others. i'll be looked down by others too. and i was thinking whether i could transfer to another jc but it is all too late already right. or maybe take a course in poly. sighh. everyone is asking me to continue with rv for the next two years. im really tired of listening to all those. oh, i skipped school today too.


so i guess. i only have two options for me now.
1) drop out of school, go work as i wait for the shatec intake in july. or go another jc. or go another poly.
2) just stay in fucking rv for two more years.


sighh. see. i cant even pursue what i want. sometimes life leaves me with no choice.


and if some of you are wondering why bother to transfer to another jc if i dont intend to study, well, i guess i really need a change of environment. rv is suffocating me. im not happy there. changing to another jc, i get to meet new friends, new people, new life. or at least i'll be happy.


stephanie is going to cjc and she asks me to join her. after being separated for four years in different secondary school, i guess it would be fun to get back in the same school and study with her again. i miss her so much. but then again, what about my friends in rv? i'll miss them too. sighhhh. life's so tough.


now i need to think of what to tell the teachers when they ask me why i was absent in school for two days already. without an mc. sian. goodbye everyone.

and love fluttered away at
3:30 pm January 16, 2009

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okay sorry to shock some of you in my previous post. i felt so terrible that i really wanted to die. but then again, i stil have so much in life i havent completed. so dying would just be a waste of time. but my mind is filled with so many thoughts even my headache medicine doesnt help.


this morning as i was walking to the bus stop to school, i started crying. i didnt want to go to school anymore. i dreaded school. i hate lessons. i hated everything. i didnt even want to look at the notes. ive got no motivation to study. so i went back home and had a long talk with my parents. okay i dont know how to say this but, im thinking of either dropping out of school or transferring school. like, seriously.


and no friends, im not being ignorant or anything. im really thinking through all the options i have, thinking hard about my life, my future. i have decided that my dream is to be a pastry chef and open my own patisserie. and school is currently not helping me to achieve my dreams. or at least that's what i think. i dont need to differentiate a maths equation to bake a cake right? and i dont intend to go to uni or take A levels. aiya im so confused.


a part of me wants to transfer school badly, but a part of me feels guilty towards my parents. ive disappointed them greatly. they expected me to take A levels and go uni and get a decent job or smth. but i wont be happy doing things im not interested in right. but i wanna be a good daughter and make them proud of me too. sighhh i dont know what to do.


and i dont wanna leave my friends too. all my dear friends there, im so sorry to leave you but i'll still be around whenever you guys need me. we can stil hang out together alright. we can still be friends! i'll miss all you. D:


im going to take one week from school and reconsider my options. weigh my pros and cons. make a list of which steps to take. think further and harder. cos im really in no state for lessons now. i just need more time to sort things out. im sorry for making everyone worry. i'll find the happy old peggy back soon.



it won't be too late when the smoke clears
cos i'll be still here

and love fluttered away at
11:09 pm January 15, 2009

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im crying so uncontrollably now i dont know what to do. im so sick and tired of the world, of everybody, of the school, of everything. nothing seems to go right for me. i think i have very low EQ. i dont even realise i offended ppl in a way or another. im always the shitty one who has to end up apologizing and begging for forgiveness, but not knowing what i did wrong. i just make everyone angry. i think i should just die. i cant even pursue my own dreams. so many ppl object me from doing so. i cant even make my own decision for my own future. i cant even make myself the least bit happy. i cant do anything to make anyone happy. everything i do, someone's bound to get angry; and i wouldnt even realised. im such a fucker. i hate myself. im not happy. i dont feel like going school tmr. i dont feel like going school forever. i dont even want to wake up tmr. i think i should just save everyone and vanish myself from the face of this ugly earth. i have no bright and shiny future for me to look forward to. my friends are all gone. they dont love me or support me anymore. becos a fucker like me doesnt deserve their love. im feeling so terrible now i think i should just go pop a few more sleeping pill and just drift off to death. or maybe jump the building? i want to die seriously. i dont even have anyone to pour out my troubles to already, nobody wants to listen to my nonsense. everybody has their someone, their number one and i dont have anyone. im just an extra in this world. nobody loves me. the people i love dont love me anymore. they might think all these are just bullshit and nonsense. for all they know, this might be the last words from peggy the fucker. peggy the loser. peggy the one that should just die.


and yes, i am very VERY suicidal now. goodbye ugly world.

and love fluttered away at
10:17 pm January 14, 2009

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Hi, i didn't go to school today. didn't want to. no way im going for some stupid campfire or labrador park. it's not that i don't want to bond with the new class and blah, i just dont like the lame orientation games. i dont feel like going for the last day of orientation too. i dont feel like going to school forever in fact. im so sick and tired of everything.


in fact, i want to transfer school. serious, im not kidding. im thinking of pursuing my passion - baking(yes, dont laugh). maybe join shatec institute of pastry and baking. let me tell you, the biggest regret of my life is to join RVIP okay. i should have taken O levels and went ahead to shatec. now with no O levels i cant go anywhere and im still stuck with two monotonous years of studying. seriously, i cant stand school anymore. ive lost all my friends due to the shitty class allocations and i cant seem to be driven to do anything much. i dont look forward to anything in school. ive written a transfer letter for the principal but i still got some touch ups to do. but the bad thing is, i missed the first intake for the course so i have to wait for the next one which is in july. means half a year more of school! no way man. maybe i'll drop our earlier to work and earn money or smth. i dont know!


some of you may think im just being too impulsive and childish to make such a decision but im telling you, IVE GIVEN SERIOUS THOUGHT TO THIS FOR VERY LONG. i mean, i should do something that im passionate about so i can excel in it right? why waste my time in school when i dont like it and i wont strive hard for it. it just makes my life more painful and unhappy. and some ppl may look down on me, saying i shouldnt go to shatec cos there's where all the N level ppl go to... but i believe that whatever we do, we must feel at least a level of contentment and satisfaction. school is like zero percent satisfaction please. im feeling so sad and painful in school and nobody seems to understand me.


maybe i'll talk to my parents again. maybe i'll talk to the teachers tmr. maybe i'll look for more advise from other people. BUT IM DEFINITELY NOT STAYING HERE FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS. i really cant stand it anymore. i need to do something for myself, for my future. or at least, just to make me truly happy for once.


i wanna run away, run away as far as i can from all these shittyass things that makes me so sad. i wanna feel what it's like to have a worry-free mind and be able to sleep easily, knowing tomorrow will be a good day. i wanna look forward to a bright and shiny future, so vibrant i just cant wait for days to past by and for me to grow up quickly. i wanna do so many things.


and im so sick and tired of giving and not receiving. no, im not saying physical things, i mean giving my emotions, my time, me attention, my love, my affections, my care, my sincerity, my heart, my everything. and only to be smacked with nonchalence and ignorance. i wanna run away.


no dont worry, im not suicidal. but, GOODBYE.

and love fluttered away at
8:34 pm January 13, 2009

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back home finally....sighhh what a long day at school. we had some orientation shit and it sucked. damn boring la the games. my class ppl are quite nice i suppose, but the games were @%@$%@#. under the freaking hot sun too! and to add on to the misery, I LOST MY FUCKING WALLET. i looked everywhere for it la! the grandstand, the toilets, the hall, the canteen dance studio....checked with the general office, security guards....BUT NOTHING! so damn pissed with myself and saddened la. i reported loss for my ezlink card and mastercard already. SCREW YOU WHOEVER THAT TOOK MY WALLET. I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING FUN WITH MY LESS THAN $10 CASH AND MY EZLINK PHOTO WILL BE HAUNTING YOUR DREAMS EVERYNIGHT. and all my membership cards and priviledge cards are inside! lucky i took out my islander card if not i'll feel damn imba. just made it like two days ago lol. sighhh, i hope the person who found it will return it to the office or smth. please be a darling and return it to me! if not, PLEASE FUCK YOURSELF AND GO DIE BITCHAZ. hais. what a good start on the first day of school.


oh, i got a B3 for my higher chinese O levels. quite happy actually, since i always fail my school chinese papers. so im suppose to be happy, but i cant rest in peace knowing my wallet is lost. what more, it's the new white fluffy hello kitty wallet that dodo got me for xmas im sorry dodo. DDDD:


sighhh.... headache okay. i dont think i'll be staying for the campfire tmr. i think i'll go back home early to rest. and i think we're going labrador park for some amazing rest. how amazing indeed. lame shit la. i bet it's gonna be freaking hot. SIGH SIGH SIGH. im gonna meet a ghost there okay.


okay gtg. amelia wants to talk to me. (?) bye!

and love fluttered away at
6:37 pm January 12, 2009

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omg i cant believe today is the last day of the holidays. there's friggin school tmr! *hyperventilates* im sooooo not ready. no more holidays, no more going out, no more having fun, no more make up.... GASP! i dont wanna wear back my ugly uniform and take the friggin bus in the morning to school! and see all the ugly ppl in school! sighh.. and there will be a three day orientation, i hope everything goes well. this will be the first time in class without any of my friends. no harm making new ones but i do hope i get to keep my old ones. sighhh. life's getting tough.


and it just happened that i was starting to enjoy my holidays. went to sentosa twice, once for the 4L chalet and the other was yesterday. it was a last minute thing with stephanie. we were like, "omg, school is starting. let's so sentosa tmr!" (?) totally random haha. but yea we did. met up with tiffany and shiying there and they were sunbathing, trying to get a tan, applying tanning oil. and i was hiding under the shade of a palm tree with my sunblock. lol. oh well, we had lotsa fun. :) oh, i made my islander card too, but im so unhappy over the picture. ahaha.





it so happens that everytime we go out, we'll camwhore for sure. hee.



me, steph and shiying. tiffany didnt want to take photos with us. D:


and we're feeling so inferior cos our boobs are so small. tiffany's one were woah. O.o but it's damn funny we kept making funny boobs joke. haha nvm.





after that, we had work so we took the train to somerset. oh, i collected my cheongsam ahahaha. so pretty, shall post a pic of it next time. hee.


and if you guys noticed already, yes i cut my hair. bangs in fact. looks quite weird on me right haha. but i was so sick of my fringe so i went to cut it. and i did treatment too! but it's still so dry sian. i spent 78 bucks on my hair leh. no more money left. D:



my father calls it the baby头. like BAY-BEE-TOU in a very uncle way. ahaha. i think i look like the hell girl from jigoku shoujo. (?)


but the thing is, my fringe cant stay neatly in place, when the wind blows, there will be a hole in it. so irritating okay. i have to keep combing it down. sigh... i think when i go to school i'll pin everything up. aiya see first la.


anyway, please look at my pet in petsociety.

ain't it cute! it's sleeping!!!! ahahaha. and when you wake it up, it'll give a little stretch and yawn. ahahaha.


alright i gotta go and enjoy my last few hours of holidays before going back to warschool again. toodles!

and love fluttered away at
4:46 pm January 11, 2009

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hi everyone. im back from sentosa two days ago. haha. been slacking around the whole of ytd and today, and finally decided to update my blog. yup, i changed the blogskin and abit of the layout. credits to debbie the dong breath(haha) for the skin.



we all woke up at 5am to watch the sunrise cos wilfred said so. but we were so tired of waiting and it was so cold and windy outside so we decided to go back to the chalet for awhile. but we got carried away sleeping/watching tv/playing cards and the sun crept out without us noticing. lol. oh, me and debbie saw lotsa of UFO but the rest insist they are planes. they are UFO we swear, they were round and blinking with lights! haha.


(image removed due to unsporting debbie. lol.)
ahaha look at all of us. we all tapao our dinner and sat tgt on the beds to watch little nonya on tv. the last episode! lol.



ignore my face but everyone please look at binsing in the background. DOESNT HE LOOK LIKE A OLD MALAY MAN EATING AHAHAHAHAHAH. debbie couldnt stop laughing after this.



me and cheehooi being gays.


okay so we had BBQ on the first night but almost everyone went home on the 2nd day. nothing much actually, went to the butterfly park, fort siloso tours, tiger sky tower, luge ride and the skilift. and when to wade in the sea too. ahahaha. didnt take any pictures cos i forgot to bring my camera lol.


anyway, the class allocation is out. there is no 4L ppl in my class im so saddened. i want to be in the same class with at least one of my friends! sighhh. i'll feel so lonely. but never mind, jesslyn just smsed me so my new friend is here. lol. i hope everything turns out well for the new school term although im not really looking forward to it. =


alright my mum wants me to look after amelia now. goodbye.

and love fluttered away at
5:56 pm January 08, 2009

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hello everyone!!!! firstly, i wanna say....
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
finally, 2008 is over and 2009 is here. im a JC student now woohoo! but i'll still be in the same school. stupid IP thingy making my life so difficult haha. but anyway, i got loads of pictures to upload again! woohoo!


okay, on new year's eve, me and debbie went to marina for the countdown. no, we did not have the tickets for the performances. we walked around the bridge and watched the fireworks. and there was soooooo many people! i swear my ass got brushed more than 10 times. LOL. nothing much happened la, we just wandered around aimlessly with the crowd. well, something happened actually. but it's too embarrassing to blog about it so i shall skip it. LOL


and on the first day of this year. i slacked at home.


and just now, me debbie and dodo went to tamaya and eat again! cos dodo had a craving for mentaiko pasta haha. here's some of the dishes that we ate:



this is tamagoyaki. its just a sweet rolled omelette. $5 for this three pieces but it was very yummy! very sweet indeed ahaha.



this is agedashi tofu. $8 i think. but it's different from other places. the skin of the tofu is very....elastic. i dont know how to describe it haha. and the soup it is in is very nice, which some scallop shreddings in it. lol.



this is the hotate and potato mentaiko mayo yaki i said i wanted to try. it is very nice! its cheesy with mayo and the mentaiko sauce. i dont know how to describe it too. and there's slices of hotate(scallops) and potato underneath. $15 haha.


we also ate pork ham steak, which is like a big piece of smoked ham. haha. but its very nice! debbie doesnt like it though. i didnt take picture of it cos debbie will think im a foodie writing a foodlog. lol. oh, we ate negima tare too. its like a chicken yakitori with leek. not bad.


so our total damage was around $86. this time there was no staff discount cos dodo and debbie were not staffs there so cannot. ahaha. felt so cheated okay. dodo looked so deranged after that lol.


anyway, welcome my new baby!

SONY VAIO CS SERIES IN PINK. can somebody say "omfgdamnchio"?! it's all pink! even the keyboard is pink haha. yep, went to "buy" it today and lugged it all the way to tamaya and then back home. it's not a travelmate so its quite big and heavy! cos my cousin is selling this laptop as he doesnt need it. he sold it abit cheaper lo. haha. but its so pretty! now i dont have to worry about stupid blue screen errors that irritate the shit outta me. woohoo! and you know what?



it has a webcam! ahaha. yes i know there's nothing to be amazed about as almost every laptop has a webcam. but this is the first time im playing with it! and i couldnt stop myself from playing all the effects and frames. please pardon my ugly face in the next few pictures cos i only had pressed powder and eyeliner on. on a bad hair day too. lol.



hellooo!!!!!



i look like an alien.



or maybe that character from "hairspray".



biggy eyes. ET phone home....



somehow my head's hurting...




sometimes i just crack myself up.



actually, im a flower!



yes, im your dream girl right before your very eyes. dont faint.


and the fun doesnt stops here. you know what is equally cool and awesome? a brand new handphone that is pink so it matches my laptop!


say hi to my brand new LG ice cream. LOL. aint it pretty? santa really read my letter i wrote him lol. haha no lar. i sorta bought it for myself as a xmas present. my father sponsered $100 and my sis $20 though. but i havent paid my father the rest of the money lol. and then he paid for my laptop which is almost $1450. ahaha! love you daddy!


so am i a lucky girl or what. ahahaa. ohh, me and my sis bought some stuff from gojane.com, and the items arrived a few days ago but there was no one around to answer the door! so they will only redeliver it by tmr morning! i cant wait to see our stuff! haha.


yep, so that's how 2009 started for me. im still comtemplating whether to make a new year resolution list cos i normally dont follow it at all. ahaha. well, we'll see how! going to work tomorrow(oh, i got my pay today!) and then to 4L chalet from sun to tues at sentosa. woohoo. holiday is ending but im just starting to enjoy it. damn. i dont want school to start! oh well. *shrugs*


goodbye 2008 and here i come 2009!

and love fluttered away at
1:02 am January 03, 2009

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